Lessons From My Quarter Life Crisis In 2021
This year has been challenging for everyone. Every breaking news story was more ludicrous than the last, but at some point we just expected these things to keep happening. Raise your hand if you had a ship getting stuck in the Suez Canal that destroyed the global supply chain on your bingo card.
As a young professional who began their career a few years ago 2021 proved to be a pivotal year. Not just for me, but for everyone in their mid-twenties. Here’s a quick recap of what happened to me and then the lessons I learned following this historical year.
In 2021:
- I went to Puerto Vallarta and got food poisoning. Great trip though!
- Toured 4–5 different condos and houses in Detroit, all my bids were rejected or out-bid.
- Re-watched Succession Season 1&2 no less than 6 times. Best show ever.
- Went to Chicago for less than 24 hours to get a custom suit fitted.
- Put together my best sales quarter ever.
- Bought a Jaguar F Type because it’s always been my obtainable dream car and more importantly, I was unhappy.
- Decided to leave that 6-figure job due to the highest level of anxiety I’ve ever experienced in my life.
- Interviewed with 3 different companies and finally quit after finding “The One”. Accepted a new position (not sales) at an emerging Ad-Tech company after interviewing remotely for 6 weeks.
- Gained 15 pounds and lost 20 pounds. That’s a net positive!
- Drank everyday for 3 months and then took a 8 week hiatus from drinking.
- All of that ^ before turning 25 in November.
So you can see where this is going. High paying job — stress/anxiety — Big purchases to fill the void — Still unhappy — Quit that job with tons of uncertainty about the future — Found happiness in my “new life” — Began taking care of myself more.
Jobs Are Just That. Jobs. There Are Thousands of Them.
This was a foreign concept to me. I’ve always placed a lot of my self-worth into my career. If I was making a lot of money I was doing good. If I wasn’t, I needed to be. This is just “sales”. This is the perfect example of allowing an external factor to control your life. I literally had none.
If you know me well, I’ve never experienced any level of anxiety in my life. When my phone rang at my old job my anxiety went through the roof. It was always “worst case scenario” in my head. Client cancelling an order, manager pushing back on my pending sales, traffic department saying my orders are incorrect. Everything was negative. I never answered the phone thinking it was going to be a good call.
One day I had a particularly heated phone call and as soon as I hung up I decided enough was enough. That exact moment will live in my head forever. Just telling myself that I didn’t deserve this. I knew that I wanted to take control of my life and that was not possible working there anymore.
For anyone struggling with stress and work driven anxiety, ask yourself if you’re in control. Every job in the world will have some sort of stress, but if you’re in control it’s manageable. Too many people in their mid-twenties (me included) associate their self-worth with their job. You can work at your job AND work on your life at the same time.
You Have To Own Your Life.
This is the biggest lesson I learned and the biggest piece of advice I can give anyone. It is imperative to own your own life. You cannot allow external factors to control your feelings, emotions, and self-worth. At the end of the day you are the only thing standing in the way of your happiness.
When we turn 25 the subconscious clock starts. We begin counting down the day until we turn 30 and we’re “old”. If we don’t have life figured out by then we are screwed. If I’m not rich I’ll be so far behind and never make it. I’ll never find a spouse because I won’t have anything to offer.
These unrealistic expectations we set for ourselves leads to a quarter life crisis like the one I experienced in 2021.
Instead we need to look inwards and ask ourselves the hard questions. Why am I unhappy? What do I want for my life? Who do I want to be? How do I become the best version of myself? There is no right answer to those questions but you NEED to ask them. You’d be surprised at the clarity you feel after taking the time to think about them.
Self-Care, Self-Awareness, and Self-Control
In 2021 I “let myself go” early on in the year. I drank heavily, spent money like it was nothing, over-ate at every meal, gained weight, gambled, and had a general attitude of “Fuck It I’m invincible”.
It wasn’t until I took back control after quitting my job that I realized I couldn’t live this way long-term. I was going to get hurt; financially, physically, and mentally. I found happiness and peace in self-care, self-awareness, and self-control.
Taking extra time to focus on myself. Washing my face and applying a hydrating oil. Making 1 cup drip coffee instead of a whole pot. Reflecting on my strengths and weaknesses while writing in my journal. Taking time to look out my window and embrace my feelings.
If there is anything I can say about the year of 2021, it’s that those 3 things were the foundation that helped pull me out of my crisis. We get caught up in everything happening around us; the celebrity drama, your friends IG posts, your families lives, the political fighting online. We can’t continue to give our time to those things while also taking care of ourselves. There isn’t enough mental bandwidth.
The lesson I learned is that being selfish for small periods of time throughout the day is imperative. You need that time for yourself because no one else is going to give it to you. Take it and embrace it.